Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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