You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize