im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
