Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
