When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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