so that wasnt chicken after all
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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