We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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