maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
