how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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