I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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