i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We smell like vodka and hangover
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