i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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