eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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