You work out of a Hotel?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
