We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
