Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
