He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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