I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
