Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize