yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize