Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize