No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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