I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
