Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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