some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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