Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
