And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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