so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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