He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
