Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize