Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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