i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
