just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
