Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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