I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
