At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
