member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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