walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
