he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
