My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
