he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
