just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
