Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
