I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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