I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize