Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
