omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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