i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
operation have a gay friend backfired
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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