You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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