I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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