Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
