gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
