Who did Billy Mays play for?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
