roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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