I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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