Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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