Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
