Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize