My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
