Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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