you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
