You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize